lifting the veil

In my family, we don't talk about private things in public. We don't tell others how we struggle or what our deepest fears are. I think it still confuses my parents that my brother and I choose to be in community and trust our friends with what is going on in our lives.

Is that okay? What am I missing out on when I don't share my real, practical struggles, but only my holy, spiritual ones? And the question is, where is the appropriate space to share? Probably not the internet! This is a semi-anonymous blog because of my work. Well, the only thing that is missing is my last name and my location. Purposely.

Enough beating around the bush. I have been on anti-depressants for the last two years and am trying to come off them. I'm struggling. It feels like there is a gerbil in my brain. I crave your prayers; actually, I need your prayers. I have been very purposeful in being open with my struggle with depression and mental illness, but for some reason, it's scary to tell Christian people that I'm coming off my pills. It's like I'm embarrassed that I might not be able to do it (something my doctor has warned me about) or that it reflects on my faith/spiritual life if I need medication (lies that I bought into for far, far too many years, thus leaving myself in the hell-pit of mental illness).

Anyway, there I am. Hanging out in the wind here. All prayers/good thoughts/strong healing energy very much needed and appreciated.