in listening to you, I listen to me
It just struck me as I was re-reading my last post and the comments attached with it: what Jen describes? That's what I want offered to me. But....
....what would it mean for me to sit shiva, hourly, daily, monthly, for the parts of you that had died? To sit with you, to sit proper shiva, not the visiting and talking about me kind, but the sitting and holding space for you, letting you direct the conversation, the biting my tongue and holding my arms out 'til it hurts to continue creating the space kind of shiva?
What would it mean to be the kind of person who didn't need to be invited in (because inviting tells me you want me), but who knew her worth - the kind of worth you don't have to give me for me to have- and could respond to that silent invitation, that yearning, longing invitation that your heart issued to mine, to sit shiva with you?
Would I be disappointed that you didn't, wouldn't, couldn't sit shiva with me? Does that mean that I shouldn't sit shiva with you - because our relationship isn't developed enough, or because it isn't polite, or because I'm treading where I'm not invited? Or, have we moved into a new plain, the kingdom now space, where our hearts know, even though our heads don't, that unless we just oh-my-goodness-get-over-it-already move into that sacred space, we'll wait forever for the polite invitation?
Yes.
....what would it mean for me to sit shiva, hourly, daily, monthly, for the parts of you that had died? To sit with you, to sit proper shiva, not the visiting and talking about me kind, but the sitting and holding space for you, letting you direct the conversation, the biting my tongue and holding my arms out 'til it hurts to continue creating the space kind of shiva?
What would it mean to be the kind of person who didn't need to be invited in (because inviting tells me you want me), but who knew her worth - the kind of worth you don't have to give me for me to have- and could respond to that silent invitation, that yearning, longing invitation that your heart issued to mine, to sit shiva with you?
Would I be disappointed that you didn't, wouldn't, couldn't sit shiva with me? Does that mean that I shouldn't sit shiva with you - because our relationship isn't developed enough, or because it isn't polite, or because I'm treading where I'm not invited? Or, have we moved into a new plain, the kingdom now space, where our hearts know, even though our heads don't, that unless we just oh-my-goodness-get-over-it-already move into that sacred space, we'll wait forever for the polite invitation?
Yes.
posted by Lisa at 8:34 p.m.
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