why stay?

One of the cruelest and insidious forms of victim blaming is the reaction of a listener to an abuse disclosure. “If it was that bad, she’d leave”, or "if that happened to me, I'd be out of there in a second". These reactions imply that the abuse is minimal, non-existent, exaggerated, that the victim is somehow thriving on the abuse or part of the abuse dynamic. This thinking places the victim in a role of responsibility for what is going on.

I am guilty of this thinking.

So, why do women stay in relationships that are abusive?
- fear
- economic dependence
- sense of helplessness
- “marriage must be saved”
- “oh-he-needs-me” syndrome
- guilt
- fantasy of change

More about all this later. A teaser question to get you thinking, though: what is the interaction between the central Christian message of redemption and forgiveness and the realities of woman abuse?