preventing divorce?

Is it counter intuitive that a divorce lawyer would be handing out info on preventing divorce and increasing conflict resolution skills? Nope. I will always have work plenty enough in today's world. But wouldn't it be great to be learning the skills, both within relationships and without that would grease the conflict wheels? You betcha. Here is some excerpts from a conflict resolution group I'm involved with:

Direct communication is always best. As the old saying goes: Mean what you say, say what you mean. If you want or need something, tell your spouse. If your spouse is doing something that bothers you, tell him or her why it bothers you and what you would like your spouse to do about it. As with all communication, however, the secret is in the delivery. Never be accusatory or disrespectful.

f your spouse reacts badly to something you’ve said, it’s possible that he or she did not understand what you meant. Before you overreact, take time to find out what your spouse thinks you meant, and, if necessary, explain what it is you were trying to say.

Arguments are a legitimate way to communicate, but the arguments must be based on a person’s actions or words, not what one side imagines is motivating the other side. Arguments are also okay when they are fair, honest disputes about family policy or priorities.

Personal attacks against your spouse are disrespectful and they get in the way of real discussion about important matters.

And here are some communication dos and don'ts:

Focus on solving the problem instead of winning the argument; Listen with an open mind to make sure you understand what your spouse means instead of launching into an unnecessary argument;

Explain yourself if you feel you have been misunderstood;

Respect each other’s opinion, even if you can’t find an immediate solution to the problem;

Spend time discussing problems and issues you each think are important;

Be quick to forgive, quick to forget;

Be sincere. Your words may say one thing, but your body language may convey something completely different;

Don’t talk in code. Say what you mean, and say it respectfully;

Don’t go to sleep before resolving a conflict;

Don’t talk to your spouse in a rude, disparaging way;

Don’t criticize your spouse in front of others;

Don’t let anger cloud your judgment about the proper way to speak to and treat your spouse;

Don’t start arguments based on things that happened long ago;

Don’t assume that your spouse is personally attacking you just because he or she disagrees with you.

You can find the whole article here.