a quote at a lecture tonight spawned this haiku:

it is I, not you
who is absent; turn your face,
I incline my head

rethinking "if it'll have me, I don't want it..."

Something well worth preserving from Sacred Space:

"You tell me to carry my cross, Lord. You are not telling me to go out looking for the cross, in practices or penances. Rather I find it under my nose. Every encounter that costs me, that rubs off my ego, is part of your plan for me. I start with my own body and heart. The aches and limitations of my limbs, my awkwardness and shyness, are part of my cross. I often wish I was different, but this is me, and I will learn to love me as you do. When I can't think of anything to say in company, or when I think of the wrong things, I'm carrying my cross.

What consoles me is that you like my company. You can put up with my silences. You accept the grumpy mutterings that at times are the closest I come to conversation. I don't always feel good about myself. There are moments when, like Groucho Marx, I would not want to belong to any club that was ready to accept me as a member. You not merely accept me, but make me feel I belong, a first-born child in whom you delight."

talent

Another quote I want to remember from Susan Howatch's "The Heartbreaker":

"A talent's a gift from God.....A talent enables us to work hard at a task and not only enjoy it but find it uniquely fulfilling."

late night fumble fingers; or making your daily choice

I just lost the comment I had posted over at Idelette's blog in reponse to this post (oops, perma link not working. I'll fix it later. It's the post entitled "Love and Dislike"). I'm going to try to recreate it here, mostly to remind myself of what I was thinking and deciding.

It was Idelette's comment in her comment section that really made me think. I have been on the cusp, or maybe even on the wrong side of the cusp, of starting to not like two people in my life who I will now be interacting with on an almost daily basis. I have long kept careful watch on the dividing line between not liking someone and feeling contempt for them because once I feel contempt, I do not seem to be able to resurrect a sense of respect for the person. It's a slippery slope.

I think choosing to like a person who you don't particularly requires both diligent effort and received grace. I deliberately put the effort part first, as it takes significant effort to marshal one's thoughts and responses from the 'oh, there she goes again' and 'I can't believe he said that AGAIN' channels and instead, remembering with grace and humility the other's humanity. It takes effort to remember another's joys, fears, hopes, pains, idiosyncracies, and quirks and then choose to respect them.

Not only do you have to decide to make the effort, you have to remake that decision daily and sometimes more often than that.

God, please remind me regularly of the choice I make to love these two people. And when I'm weary in my effort, stop my ears against the things that grate my soul and help me hear instead their unique personalities. Amen.

new digs

Yesterday was the official move in date for the new office. Never-you-mind that there is no flooring in the waiting area, hallways, kitchen, or copy room. Never-you-mind that the painters are still painting and the computer hook ups will be in tomorrow. Never-you-mind that the trades people are all storing their junk in my office. Never-you-mind that I don't have any furniture in my office and even if I did, my new couches (saffron yellow colour, two love seats, slight flair on the sides, two cushions on the back) won't be here for a couple of weeks.

I've got a telephone. I'm at peace. It was really bothering me not being hooked into the outside world. And that surprised me, as I'm someone who likes to get away from instant communication. But thank the Lord, I have a telephone. My stress level went down immeasurably. Whew.

Next week will be unpacking and settling in. Oh boy, do I sure hope so! No more drywall dust! Maybe a little bit of peace and quiet. Maybe, just maybe I can do some work....